Rock Chicks, Pricks, and the Lovesick
by tesstesstessa
Summary: Girl-band The Coven has a formidable rivalry with international sensations The Marauders. When the eight teenagers are suddenly forced to tour together, only madness can ensue. Marauders-era AU.
1. Prologue: You Want Me (Dead)

**Q:** Tessa, why are you writing all these AUs when you should be rewriting TIY?!1111

**A:** I don't know. So help me God, I don't know.

**A/N:** So, I came across a prompt on tumblr for this and it was just so fittingly perfect that I had to. Physically had to. This will probably be a multi-chapter, because of, you know, the brilliance of the prompt. The prologue is much shorter than any of the chapters will be, don't worry. This is for tumblr user **flameojamespotter** (by the way, your url makes me laugh. All. The. Time.)

**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognise, I do not own. Except the band name 'The Coven', which I stole from one of my other stories (points if you can guess which).

* * *

**Prologue: You Want Me (Dead)**

"...and next, we have The Coven, Britain's newest singing sensations! Everybody, put your hands together!"

"Stay calm," Lily Evans was telling her bandmates, hopping on the spot. "_Stayyy_ calm, it's going to go fine."

Dorcas Meadowes eyed her. "Mate, stop being all jumpy."

"Me? Jumpy? I am not jumpy. I'm not nervous. I'm perfectly all right," babbled Lily. Dorcas laughed and slung an arm around her shoulders.

"Relax, Lily. What could go wrong?"

Lily stopped bouncing and scowled. "Don't say that-"

But the booming voice of the announcer cut them off. "Oh, it seems there's been a change of plans!"

The girls looked at each other in surprise. "Did you know about this?" Mary Macdonald said in an undertone.

"No!" Lily said.

"Don't freak, Lily, it'll be all right," soothed Marlene McKinnon. "It's probably just a mix up."

Lily nodded weakly, picking up her guitar and and sliding through the strap. "Right, it's probably just a mistake." But then a loud guitar chord echoed through the stadium. A very familiar riff began to play.

"No effing way," Mary said, standing on her toes to see past Dorcas and Lily. "It can't be."

"Please tell me I'm having an auditory hallucination," Dorcas moaned.

"Helloooooo, London! Are you ready for the time of your lives?" a voice shouted, amplified a hundred times. The crowd went positively wild, and even amidst the chaos Lily could discern the shouts of, _"It's the Marauders!"_

"They are _so_ not hijacking our big night," said Lily through gritted teeth. If it had been anyone else, she might've been a little less irked, but the girls had a long rivalry with the Marauders, and Lily's blood was boiling at the idea of those prats on her stage.

"It seems The Coven won't be able to perform for you tonight!" said the announcer. He sounded far too pleased for Lily's liking. Making a split second decision, she stormed on stage, hands on her hips. The audience fell silent at the sight of her.

"We're able to perform, thanks very much," she said with a glower. Finally catching on, her three bandmates followed her on stage, all wearing equally displeased expressions. "And we're going to do just that, if you don't mind!"

The guitar riff restarted, and Lily resisted the urge to cover her ears and scream into a mic. The audience began to scream and point, and Lily looked up along with them. The four boys were waving from a platform that was slowly moving towards the ground. She clenched her fists. That had been _their_ entrance plan.

"Evening, ladies," said James Potter, winking in their direction. Almost on cue, all four girls rolled their eyes. He hopped off the platform when it was about five feet from the ground - show-off, Lily thought - and sauntered towards them. "What a surprise, seeing you here!"

"Oh, don't pretend, Potter. You knew we were going to be here. Practically the entire country knows," Lily spat, placing a hand on the mic in front of her so her voice wouldn't carry. "You, on the other hand, are supposed to be in... Jamaica, or something!"

"We missed the good ol' English weather, I'll admit it." James spread his arms out apologetically and grinned at her. The audience laughed, making Lily even angrier. She walked towards him and leaned in close, wrapping a hand around his mouthpiece so their voices wouldn't carry. The way he jerked back in surprise made her feel oddly satisfied.

"Why are you really here?" she hissed. "This was supposed to be _our_ night!"

"Look, I honestly know absolutely nothing. We got a call from our agent, saying we had to come play here, so we came. We had no idea it would clash with your show-"

"Bullshit! This is some kind of prank, Potter, and I swear we'll get you back-"

"I'm serious! I wouldn't lie about this, Lily. I know how important tonight is for you." She narrowed her eyes at his apparent sincerity.

"You'd better not be lying-"

Just then, James's bandmate Sirius tapped his shoulder. "Ah, mate, you seeing this?" Lily and James both looked where he was pointing. The announcer was standing on his podium, nodding and talking to-

"That's Sam!" Lily exclaimed. Samuel Harper was the girls' band manager, the one who'd first discovered their talent. Sam had happened to visit Lily's father's pub on a Monday, which was the only night the girls were allowed to play there. Once he'd heard them, he had refused to leave until he had negotiated a contract with them.

"And there's Minnie," Sirius said, nodding. Sure enough, Minerva McGonagall, the boys' manager was right next to Sam, looking as imposing and strict as ever. Lily could never quite understand how a woman like Minerva had ever gotten into the show business.

"Well, well, well, ladies and gentlemen! Do we have a lovely surprise for you!" the announcer said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Before you ask, I have no idea," James said.

"It seems tonight, right here, is the kick-off of a tour the likes of which we've never seen before!"

"Yes, our tour," muttered Lily, but she had a feeling whatever the announcer was going to say would be far, far worse.

"The Marauders and The Coven announce the start of their joint nationwide tour!"

_"What?!"_ chorused both the bands.

"This is the news of the decade!"

"It's certainly news to me!" Lily said furiously.

"They planned it," Sirius groaned. "Minnie and Sam, they've been planning this!"

Lily buried her face in her hands. "This is terrible."

Dorcas came up to her and prodded her in the side. "Lily, where's your game face? The show must go on!"

So despite the fury that swirled through her, Lily plastered on a smile and said, "Surpriiiiise!" into her mic. She had never heard the crowd scream so loud; she thought the sound would echo in her ears forever.

Too bad they were sharing the stage.


	2. Senselessness

**Disclaimer: Jo Rowling owns everything you recognise. The name 'Pop!Magazine' was made up on the spot, and if that exists, I don't own that either. **

* * *

**1. Senselessness**

_Two Weeks Later: Discord in the Planets_

The post-show ritual was simple. No matter what the hour, the four girls would all shower, change into nightclothes, grab their favourite snacks, and relax for the next hour or so. Mary would paint her toenails another crazy colour, Dorcas would give herself an elaborate facial, Marlene would rifle through magazines for any mention of them, and Lily would stuff herself senseless. It was almost like clockwork. The post-show ritual became far more complicated when there were boys in the next bus.

Dorcas narrowed her eyes and glared at them through a window. "How do they even manage to make that much noise?"

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's only fifteen minutes, then we'll be on the road. Hopefully their voices won't carry."

"Still, there are just four of them..."

Dorcas had a point. For just four boys, they made a crazy amount of noise. Not to mention the mess that followed them everywhere they went. Rehearsing with them and performing with them had been even harder than Lily had expected it would be. It was true that their styles were similar, but it wasn't enough to change the fact that they simply didn't get along. Just picking the track list for each show had started an hour-long debate, ending in Mary throwing a banana peel at Sirius's face. Lily sighed and reached for a book from the coffee table. She had never thought touring would be so stressful.

"We're in this!" Marlene shouted suddenly, waving a magazine in the air. "See - _Brit pop-punk girls The Coven began their nationwide tour two weeks ago, with_-" here Marlene made a face "-_international teen sensations The Marauders._ There's a whole paragraph on how we famously don't get along, bother - but look! _The Coven's unique style, rather similar to 60's rock band Siouxsie and the Banshees_ - they compared us to Siouxsie!"

"Are you joking?" Lily peered over Marlene's shoulder at the article. "We don't deserve that. At _all_."

"It's an international magazine, too," Mary noted.

"That's just two paragraphs. Hardly a big deal. Besides, it's an article about The Marauders. See?" Dorcas took the magazine from Marlene and flipped back several pages to the start of the article, which was framed by pictures of the boys in various ridiculous poses.

"So much for that," said Marlene, picking up the next magazine in her pile.

The engine of the bus rumbled to life and it was the sound of angelic choirs to Lily. Until the door hissed open, and Sam strode in, clearly in a dark mood. "Right, out you go," he said, crossing his arms.

"Go where?" Dorcas asked.

"The boys' bus," Sam replied as if it was obvious. Lily dropped her book.

"Sam, are you mad?" Mary said, looking up from her toenails, which she was carefully painting neon green.

"By the end of this tour, I might be. It's time you lot started getting along with them." He jerked a thumb in the direction of the Marauders' bus.

"And where will we sleep?" Marlene said, raising an eyebrow.

"You can shift back when you're actually going to bed. Or sleep there if you have to."

"You're going to make us sleep in the same bus as _those boys_?" Lily screeched, finally finding her voice.

"Glad you've caught on, Lily. No diva tantrums from any of you. Now, out."

And that was how Lily came to be standing inside the Marauders' tour bus, clutching a book and an MP3 player, on what had once been a fine Friday night.

* * *

_Three Years Ago: Not Your Average Boyband_

Lily was walking home from orchestra practice when the poster caught her eye. She was feeling more dejected than usual on that summer day, and the grim weather seemed to echo her sentiments. Somehow she had managed to become even worse at playing cello than when she had first started. She told herself that four years of boarding school had probably just deprived her of consistent practice. But still, there was something just wrong about the feel of the bow in her hands. There was something wrong with coaxing an instrument to speak for her.

She had paused in her walk of shame when the crumpled piece of paper fluttered in front of her. She snatched it from the air, ready to throw it in a bin, but something stopped her. Perhaps it was the familiar sight of a magazine page, like the ones her sister read obsessively. Perhaps it was just that she wanted to find comfort in the written word, a brief reprieve from her moodiness. Either way, she unfolded the paper and squinted at it.

_Not Your Average Boyband!_

_The Marauders, Britain's newest addition to the pop-punk scene, are far from the crooning, lovesick boys of yore. In fact, many a musical gem hides amidst the tracks on their debut album, 'Magic and Madness'._

Lily would have tossed it over her shoulder in disgust if not for her environmental concerns. Pop!Magazine, of all things, was calling something a 'musical gem'? It was ridiculous. She was sure she could sing better than any stupid boy band. In fact, she was going to prove it too.

* * *

_Present: Wrong_

"Well, this has been fascinating so far," yawned Dorcas, emerging from the bathroom and dabbing at her newly cleansed face with a towel. "Does anyone have a cig?" She made a beeline for the pack lying in the middle of a table near the boys.

Lily looked up from her book, cringing as Doe entered what was clearly the boys' side of the bus. The girls had been sitting directly opposite them for almost an hour now, and aside from a cursory glance when they'd entered, the Marauders hadn't so much as peeked at them.

On hearing Dorcas's words, all four of the boys looked up. Sirius shook his head almost sadly. "Don't - you're not allowed to smoke that in here."

Dorcas raised an eyebrow. "Sorry?"

"I'm trying to quit," James explained.

"So he put the rest of us on a ban," Remus finished. He smiled faintly. "Can't say I'm unhappy about it."

"Oh. Well - dammit." Dorcas stepped away from the table, her expression downcast. She returned to her seat next to Marlene. Lily suddenly realised that those were the first words the boys had said to them after Sirius had called Marlene a mad bitch earlier that day, and she had very nearly punched him in the face for it. Sam was right; they really did have to make an effort here.

Sighing internally, Lily set her book down and got to her feet. "Erm, listen, everyone," she said, a bit timidly. The seven other teenagers looked up at her, looking confused and surprised. "We - we really ought to make an effort to get along. If we're going to be together for two more months."

For a moment, no one said anything. And then Sirius laughed. "That's rich, coming from _you_."

Lily tried not to snap back - and failed. "Well, I'm sorry, I'm trying to be the _responsible adult_ here and fix things!"

"Then maybe you should-"

"All right!" James shouted. "You don't have to give us a live demonstration of what not to be like, okay?" Lily scowled. Look at him, turning himself into the good guy in this situation.

"As I was saying," said Lily, who would most certainly not let James steal her thunder, "I know we can't be the best of friends. But at least cordiality, or some sort of acquaintanceship - because frankly speaking, our past few shows have been less than stellar. And that's because of this animosity between us. We're going to have to get along... for the fans."

"How do you think we should start, Lily?" Remus asked, an encouraging smile on his face.

"Ah - we can just assume we're... kind of friends, and work it from there?"

"Just... bam, we're friends now?" James said disbelievingly.

"We can try," Marlene said, and Lily could have hugged her friend for the support. "Just be normal around each other tonight, yeah?"

"Right. And what better way to bond than with drink?" Sirius said mischievously, pulling out a bottle of amber-coloured liquid from a cupboard.

"No," Lily said instantly. "I have heard far too many terrible stories about drinking with you lot to ever consider it safe."

Sirius shrugged. "Fair enough. No one said you had to."

Dorcas hopped to her feet and yanked the bottle from his hand, flashing him a grin. "Thanks for that."

"Pleasure's all mine," he said with a wink.

It was all Lily could do to keep her jaw from dropping as both Mary and Marlene cast her apologetic looks and accepted bottles from Sirius. He was bribing them over to the dark side with alcohol!

_Fine_, Lily thought. _Excellent_. She would just sit there, on her side of the bus, and find company in Jane Austen. At least her book couldn't betray her.

"_Sense and Sensibility_. Never understood the appeal, if I'm honest."

Lily looked up to see James take a seat next to her on the couch. "What, the appeal in reading?" she replied coolly.

"No, the appeal in that particular book," he said, his voice laced in amusement. "Not, I'd say, quite as interesting as Jane Austen's other works."

"Well, _I_ like it."

"That's your opinion."

They didn't say anything for a while, Lily engrossed in her book - or at least pretending to be - and James staring off into space. Every now and then, Lily would throw the others disapproving glances that none of them caught sight of, as they were far too busy laughing and sharing stories. Her friends were too easy to buy off, Lily thought glumly.

Every now and then, James would throw her a strange glance. The first few times, she had ignored it, but it was starting to get on her nerves.  
"What?" she said snappily as he looked at her again. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" James said, giving her the very same look.

"Like - oh, I give up! I can't hope to read with you looking at me oh so enigmatically, so please do say whatever you're dying to say."

He just looked at her. Enigmatically. Lily wanted to punch him. "You're stubborn," he said finally.

"Thank you. Any more insights into my character?"

"None for the time being. But you know you don't have to sit here, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you don't have to sit here and... sulk because everyone else is having fun, and it goes against your pride to come join them."

She glared at him. "I am not sulking."

"Call it what you want, Lily Evans. You know I'm right, though."

"And when did you know so much about me?" Lily said. Even as the words came out of her mouth, she knew they were the wrong ones. He was here, being rather polite and patient, and she was going to be yelling at him in a minute. He was being the bigger person. But perhaps that was what infuriated her. She felt a strange sort of roar in her stomach, as though she had just started a fire and was watching the flames streak up to the sky.

His eyes narrowed. "I'm trying to get along. Isn't that what you wanted me to do?"

"I'm not a sulky child you can coerce into coming to play, Potter."

"That's not what I said. I meant, you can come join us. Read your bloody book on the other side of the bus."

"I'm perfectly fine on my own," she retorted.

"I know you are. Maybe we're terribly crippled without you."

She looked from his slightly hopeful smile to her laughing friends. "Somehow, I doubt that."

"Lily, why can't you just-" he began with a sigh.

"Why can't _you_ just leave me alone?" Lily said, louder than she intended.

"Christ, what does it take to make you get off your high horse?"

"My - _my_ high horse?" Lily laughed. "You are _so_ full of it, James Potter!"

"Well, at least I'm not a fucking shrew!" he shouted. The laughter died down, and Dorcas, Mary, and Marlene hesitantly got to their feet.

Lily met James's gaze. He looked angry, actually angry. She thought he was incapable of any emotions when it came to her except for amusement and light annoyance. It gave her a grim satisfaction to know that she could do it too, she could drive him up the wall if she wanted to. "I am not a shrew," she said, firmly enunciating each word. "Kindly remove yourself from my couch before I get really angry."

His jaw clenched. They stayed locked in that stalemate for about ten seconds before James finally got up and went back to his spot next to Peter. Lily got the feeling she'd won some sort of turf war, and she picked up her book again with a small smile on her face. Victory was always good, but it was even better when it was against James Potter.

* * *

At some point a few hours later, when Lily had read Sense and Sensibility twice since the shouting match, she allowed herself to tune into their conversation. Not, she reasoned, that she was eavesdropping. Their conversation was probably not in the least interesting.

"I just don't get," James was saying, "why you picked The Coven. Out of all the band names possible-"

"It's a damn sight nicer than The Marauders," Marlene said. Lily tried to hide a smile, remembering how Marlene had howled when The Marauders had first made it big-time, complaining about how the best band name was now taken.

"I will ignore that personal affront," said Sirius, slurring his words slightly. "But you could be loads 'f other things."

"Like what?" Mary said, reclining in her chair.

"Like Lily and the Babes," Sirius said. Dorcas choked on her drink.

"What a ridiculous name," Marlene muttered.

"Also, it would imply that Lily isn't a babe," James pointed out.

"Oh. Right. Didn't think of that," mumbled Sirius. Lily resisted the urge to get up and drop-kick the boys in their faces. Well, perhaps not Remus, because he looked like he wasn't paying attention. Or Peter, who was passed out on a table. Nevertheless, half the Marauders would have to do. Of course she wasn't a babe, no, she was a fucking shrew. Lily knew she was wallowing and being petty, but in that moment, she did not care. She did not care because James Potter was a prick, Sirius Black was an even bigger prick, and she _was_ a babe, godammit.

* * *

_Two Years Ago: First Impressions_

"Remember, Lily," Sam had told her very seriously, "you've got to make a good impression. First impressions last."

She repeated the words to herself as she hugged her shawl around her shoulders and stepped out of the loo. The girls were at some afterparty for an award show, and they'd all had strict instructions to be on their best behaviour. Doe, Mary, and Marlene had disappeared into the crowd almost the moment they'd come inside - they'd agreed to split up - but somehow, Lily just didn't feel like meeting the who's who and the youth of the industry. Normally, she'd have been excited to know that actual honest-to-God musicians that she'd read about were in the same room as her, but she was just... tired.

"Hanging around the loo, hmm? People must like these parties less than I thought," said a voice from behind her. Lily whirled around and came face to face with - oh, Christ, she couldn't deal with this. Not now. "James Potter," said the owner of the voice, a tall, lanky boy around her own age, smirking down at her. "But you must know that already."

"How presumptuous of you," Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest. She knew her dislike of him was completely irrational and senseless, but she couldn't shake it. Not after months of her sister and her friends cooing about _The Marauders_, and _ooh, that James Potter is so fit_, and _what a great arse on him too!_ Okay, he was a looker. He didn't look dorky with glasses on. He dressed rather well for a bloke. He could sing - sort of. But he was still annoying, with that stupid smirk of his and the way his stupid eyes seemed to smile with them too. He was very annoying.

"Big words," James grinned. "I'm afraid you'll have to dumb yourself down for me."

"I don't dumb myself down for anyone."

His smile faded momentarily, and he looked at her almost as though he was surprised. "No," he said after a pause. "No, I don't imagine you would. So,the evening's not treating you too well?"

"The evening was going pretty badly, and is steadily going downhill from there." He let out a low whistle, but he did not seem offended in the least by her implication.

"Trust me when I say it gets better," he said, throwing a wink in her direction. Lily just rolled her eyes. "Are you going to tell me your name, or will I have to figure that out myself?"

"The latter, I'd say," said Lily.

"Well, I'll try and figure out what you're here for. To support The Marauders?" He grinned.

Of course that would be his first guess. "No," said Lily with a snort.

"Erm - okay, are you one of those Tracey girls? I think one of them is a redhead - Marilyn? Are you Marilyn Tracey?" Before she could answer, he'd rambled ahead. "No, you don't look like a Marilyn. You don't look like a socialite either, so you're not Gwen Applesby-"

"You honestly thought I was Gwen Applesby?" Lily wrinkled her nose at the mention of the young journalist.

"No, that was my idea of a joke. So, you don't like Gwen Applesby - got it! You're Serena Blakes."

This time Lily had to stifle a giggle at his triumphant expression. "You obviously don't do your homework, James Potter. Serena Blake is a thirty-year-old."

"Oh, shit. Christ. Erm. Well, she's got a - lovely singing voice," he offered. "One of my dad's favourites. You can't go wrong with a Potter's favourite."

"Of course not," Lily said. And this time, she did not suppress her smile.

James went on to describe in detail what he thought of several of the people present at the party, some comments good, the others... not so much. But peppered with his wit and - dare she say it - charm, the conversation was actually putting Lily at ease. Maybe the night wouldn't be a complete horror.

"And as for newbies - Christ, there's a group of blokes that can't sing for their lives, it's quite sad. I mean, if you can't sing, you just shouldn't. Play a bloody instrument, it's not the end of the world."

"Speaking as the lead singer," Lily laughed.

"I am fair and unbiased in all situations," James shrugged. "There's a group of girls here too whose backgrounds are awful - don't get me wrong, they've got passable vocals. The bird can sort of sing. Guitar's a bit off, though..."

Over James's shoulder, Lily could see Dorcas, Marlene, and Mary walking towards them. She wondered how shocked they'd be when she introduced them to her new acquaintance. Smiling at her mates, she lost track of James's blather for a while.

"...their drumming is questionable as well, maybe they need more of a musical education. I just can't remember their names, dammit." Noticing that she wasn't paying attention, James turned around and followed her gaze. "Wait - those are the ones! Met them earlier this evening. Guitarists and drummer - they're bad, Mystery Bird. Haven't run into the singer just yet, which is a real shame, since she's the only one with real talent - not even that much real talent, though..."

Lily's blood ran cold. A part of her was still trying to process what he was saying because it couldn't be true. She must've been imagining - he must mean someone else - it couldn't be-

"Right, got it! The Coven. They're called The Coven. Come to think of it, their lead's a redhead too. I think. Can't remember her name, either." James shook his head, grinning in his typical manner.

"Lily Evans," she said, trying to ignore the blood roaring through her, the anger that was slowly building. "Her name's Lily Evans."

"Now I remember. That's a nice name."

"It's my name."

"Sorry?" James blinked at her from behind his specs.

"It's my name," Lily said loudly. "I'm not-very-talented Lily Evans, and those-" she pointed at her friends "-are my talentless bandmates." For the first time since she'd met him, James was speechless. "And you, James Potter, are an arrogant - fucking - twit!"

He opened and closed his mouth like a fish for a few moments. Finally, apparently gathering his wits, he smirked and said, "Lily. Has a nice ring to it."

Unfortunately for him, Lily did not go into shock, as she expected she would. Instead, she calmly took her glass into her left hand so as to free the right, and then slapped him across the face. "The Marauders are quite overrated. Not as handsome as they'd imagine. Their bad boy image thing is starting to get redundant, and frankly, boring. Sirius Black isn't the God of Guitars, as he no doubt imagines himself to be. Peter Pettigrew is the only lifelike one, since he's not horrifically arrogant or overbearingly shy, as the other three appear. I'd say he's the only one with real musical talent if not for the fact that Remus Lupin does know how to play an excellent beat. And James Potter isn't the crooning playboy he thinks he is. He should cut out his guitar solos, because he's not the fucking lead guitarist - but of course, James Potter is a one-man-band! He's a bit of a prat, really, about three-quarters of his supposed charm is fake and sickly, and he's really not cool. At all. Their music isn't all that unique, and they're far more mainstream than they pretend to be. I'd give them a two out of five stars for their effort. All in all, I'd say they're just another boyband who'll be out by the end of the decade." Smiling sweetly at the still silent Potter, Lily marched away to where her friends stood. Bloody Potter - he'd been too good to be true.

"Who were you talking to?" Mary asked when she sat down at their table.

"James fucking Potter," Lily said, putting her head in her hands.

"Shit," said Marlene, wringing a napkin nervously. "What - er, what sort of first impression did you make?"

Suddenly Lily remembered who he was. He was part of an internationally loved group. He'd been in the business since he was fifteen. His manager was one of the most respected people of the industry. And she had just slapped him and told him why his band was horrible. She groaned. "Wonderful. My first impression was absolutely wonderful."


End file.
